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Saturday, February 9, 2013

Life will never be the same

I'm currently 24 weeks pregnant.  Seven weeks ago we had a routine ultrasound.  It was the first time in my life that I didn't lay awake worrying about what they'd find.  I'm going to call that my last night of peace.  On the way to the hospital we joked about having the doctor write down the baby's sex and sealing it in an envelope.  We would open it only if we both gave the launch sequence.

An hour later I was asking my partner if we could find out so we could name the baby in case the room full of specialists' predictions came true.

Let me back up a little.

December 28, 2012

The ultrasound technician wasn't saying anything during the scan.  I was asking what we were looking at and telling her what I had just learned in Biology 101 in university.  She wasn't really smiling or responding so I said are you seeing ten fingers and toes on there?

She zoomed in and showed me the baby's left hand and said yup, there's a little thumb and four fingers...on that hand...

We had been there twenty minutes and she put her hand on my arm and said I'm going to stop here to go get the doctor.  There are some problems with your baby.

I glanced over at my calm husband with a knowing look - I know honey, we've been here before.  These assholes are going to try and scare us.

"What problems?" I asked not at all worried.

She said there were issues with the kidneys, brain, heart, stomach, mouth/nose, jaw, feet, hands and the fold of skin at the back of the neck.  Oh and the intestines haven't gone inside like they should.

Oh.  Is that all???

A doctor came in that we had never met and told us we were probably looking at a chromosomal abnormality for there to be so many defects and issues.  He told us our fetus would likely be so delayed and deformed if it survived that we should consider our options for continuing the pregnancy.

First of all, our baby is not a fetus.  The person kicking me as we speak and the heartbeat we all just watched together means we've gone well beyond a medical term.  Secondly, my definition of a successful pregnancy is clearly different from this guy's so I made a crack about not caring if the baby becomes a doctor since they're overrated anyway.

We went in to this ultrasound appointment expecting to get some cute pictures for the scrapbook.  It's impossible to take in this much information with a toddler in the room who is getting restless and I need to go pee and I'd much rather talk to a doctor I trust.  We asked if we could stop the conversation and have the report sent to my obstetrician and take some time to talk this over as a family.

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